I think a lot of people, especially introverts, find *dating*, the way you characterise it here, similarly stressful. But a much better activity (indeed, one you mention as a better option in the body of the post) is "spending time with friends". And doing leisure activities that are fun in their own right, but in social contexts where you might also encounter potential romantic partners. It's often a much nicer context to get to know people as friends and then later potentially ask out a friend who you've got to know.
So I'd recommend finding social activities (for the limited "interpersonal interaction" budget that an introvert has) that are fun but also might include people of your preferred gender and age range. What activities those are will vary with your own interests and, if you're hetero, which activities might be more typically interesting for the other gender. If you're a man looking for a woman, then activities like dancing could be good, for example. Reading groups or well-chosen sports or games, perhaps.
The search for such activities is its own whole endeavour, of course, with lots of considerations, but it seems plausible the calculations might work out better this way.
I found dating to be extremely stressful; like you, I'm an introvert and an engineer. The problem is that if you don't play, you can't win. I've been married for 20+ years now, and from what I've seen, dating is much more of a minefield than it was "in my day".
That being said, however, I do believe that *some* of the manosphere tactics (Rollo Tomassi comes to mind) might be applicable to introverts like myself. There's a *lot* of toxicity there, to be sure, and I wouldn't blindly apply random techniques, but things like self improvement and forcing yourself to do difficult things are often useful.
I think a lot of people, especially introverts, find *dating*, the way you characterise it here, similarly stressful. But a much better activity (indeed, one you mention as a better option in the body of the post) is "spending time with friends". And doing leisure activities that are fun in their own right, but in social contexts where you might also encounter potential romantic partners. It's often a much nicer context to get to know people as friends and then later potentially ask out a friend who you've got to know.
So I'd recommend finding social activities (for the limited "interpersonal interaction" budget that an introvert has) that are fun but also might include people of your preferred gender and age range. What activities those are will vary with your own interests and, if you're hetero, which activities might be more typically interesting for the other gender. If you're a man looking for a woman, then activities like dancing could be good, for example. Reading groups or well-chosen sports or games, perhaps.
The search for such activities is its own whole endeavour, of course, with lots of considerations, but it seems plausible the calculations might work out better this way.
I found dating to be extremely stressful; like you, I'm an introvert and an engineer. The problem is that if you don't play, you can't win. I've been married for 20+ years now, and from what I've seen, dating is much more of a minefield than it was "in my day".
That being said, however, I do believe that *some* of the manosphere tactics (Rollo Tomassi comes to mind) might be applicable to introverts like myself. There's a *lot* of toxicity there, to be sure, and I wouldn't blindly apply random techniques, but things like self improvement and forcing yourself to do difficult things are often useful.
Separately: You might find https://thezvi.wordpress.com/2024/01/02/dating-roundup-2-if-at-first-you-dont-succeed/ to be informative. He has done several postings on dating for nerds, and has had a fair amount of success.